I

there once was a time, yes,
when I thought my ass would graft itself to my sofa
and I wouldn't ever stand up again --
I relished the thought of an excuse, I guess,
but really I just watched batman cartoons
swallowed cans of coca-cola
and hoped that one day I would wake up
wipe the sleep from my eyes
and find myself in a two-story house
(you could just tell that at least it was insulated)
where my mother would knit in a comfortable armchair,
my sister and I wouldn't have to share a room,
our cats wouldn't get bitten by raccoons,
and none of us --
the three of us (and the cats I guess) --
would have to fret about our weight
we could just sink into our beds at night
or lay in the bathtub
(there'd be no dirt in the water here)
and be fat and be happy
and grow old
and one by one
fall into the grave